Originally published at antipatica.org. Please leave any comments there.

Dear Customers,

I know that my health and well-being are none of your concerns, and that all you really want to do is stuff that horrendous Big Mac down your throat, but you can still pretend to. I mean, I pretend to care about how you are tonight and shit. Sure, I get paid to ask you that, but seriously.

Acting like a jackass when I have a line-up that winds up to our door at effing 2 in the morning will do you no good. I have never yelled at a customer before. I just did.

Oh it didn’t help that I had a fever that night and I wanted to throw up, oh no, not at all. If I were an indecent bitch, I’d probably cough at your face, but no, I don’t want to disgust all the other innocent customers who just want their food.

Also, can you tell your other fobbity-mcfobfob friends to learn not to use the word HEY? If the word was used in a “Hey, how are you?” context, I wouldn’t have minded, but no, it was more of a “HEY! WASHROOM!”

You were lucky I wanted you out of my face or I would’ve made the decision to effing torture your gall bladder and not let you in. Also didn’t help that you and your friends were in plain sight from the counter. I have a gazillion of things that I could throw at your faces. They’ll hurt too.

I do not enjoy getting pitiful looks from my other customers.

So here we go: Do not act like a jackass when ordering food, no matter how funny you think you are. Chances are, you’re not coming across as funny, anyways.

Oh and another,

Thank you Customer(s),

For telling off that asshole who makes our lives miserable. You have no idea how much we appreciate you, because we cannot tell them off. We are forced to act all nice and friendly towards them even though we have all intent to murder them in a Sweeney Todd manner (minus the pie-baking).

Seriously, we love you like crazy. If we could, we’d hug you and high-five you, really.

On a sidenote: If you’ve been told off twice by fellow customers (read: They told you to STFU and GTFO the store.), why continue on going there? Really, we won’t miss you. Hell, we want you gone.

Oh and last night, I hauled this -heavy- container of vegetable oil for my vegan customers. They wanted to know if our fries were cooked in animal fat. They’re not, by the way. They obviously appreciated the fact that I did this so yeah.

Fast-food workers are generally nice, just be nice to them and everything’s hunky-dory.